When a couple comes to counselling, they are often desperate for help. They have usually been arguing and drifting farther and farther apart. They feel lonely and dissappointed in their relationship. Research shows that 70% of women who report feeling depressed are in unhappy relationships.

Often times, small changes that can result from therapy make huge improvements. I believe it's the small details that make a relationship work or fail:

  • Whether you/your partner can admit to making a mistake
  • Whether you/your partner can empathize with each others' feelings
  • Whether you/your partner can refrain from acting defensively
  • Whether you interrupt each other
  • Whether you act sarcastically toward one another

These are very subtle dynamics that build up to create mistrust and bitternes between lovers. People mistakingly believe that big issues, like affairs or abuse are the deal breakers, when in truth, its the subtle small habits, tendancies, ways of reacting and treating our partner that can destroy intimacy. If couples realized that the sarcasm, interruptions, false unspoken assumptions and contempt end marriages more often than affairs, they would begin to look at their habits more seriously and seek out other ways of being.

It is my goal as a client centered therapist to help couples identify their patterns and negative habits, and help them to make better choices so that their relationship can improve.Through therapy, you begin to understand how your behaviors have impacted your partner, and led to the creation of the emotional distance between you. In essence, I give couples the tools they need to feel closer. Couples are amazed at how quickly a small change, like the tone they use or a word they say can improve the relationship and help them to feel closer immediately. Most people just want to feel heard and understood.


Success doesn't mean a couple will never argue again. Productive and respectful arguments are essential for change and growth. It is realistic however to never argue again in the same ways you have in the past; using insults, sarcasm, disrespect and character deffamation. Couples learn to argue respectfully with an intent to learn, instead of an intent to protect. Counselling teaches you how.

Oftentimes, people carry issues with them from their childhoods that interfere with their ability to have a healthy intimate relationship. Research shows that chronic conflicts derived from ones' family of origin continue to be acted out or replicated with current partners. The romantic relationships we are in often bear some resemblance to the parent-child relationship we've experienced in our own families of origin. Our partner's energy, in some way, reminds us of a member of our family of origin. With awareness, there is great opportunity for growth and healing. But without the awareness that therapy brings, we can be retraumatized by this dynamic. We can feel angry, resentful, and triggered and often feel similiar to how we once felt as children.

Counselling offers the awareness people need to unlock and change these dynamics and aquire the ability to see their partner as a friend, not as an enemy.


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